Little White Lie.

I cant stand it...
i pride myself in being honest yes we all bend the truth at times but you lie about things
i would never understand, i get it you told me you wore a red had but it ended up being blue i found out you dont see a problem it was just a "little" lie, well see i dont really care what color your hat is but why lie ?its really gettin under my skin because its like you give me permission to not be honest with you!! is that what you would like? nobodys perfect we both know that but sweetheart to lie about something like what you lied about scared the heck out of me!! i rrealy feel that if you could lie to me about something that has no significance to our life and not get that it is wrong then why would you tell me the truth when it really matter... happiness comes with truth... what i mean is if we tell the truth then we will not have to worry about covering up our "little white lies" yes the truth hurts but the neverending lies that comes from one lie can be the death of a friendship and a relationship so would you want it to hurt for a little while or go away for ever! i repect anyone who would tell the truth so honestly was your white lie worth loosing my trust?

Your Joy

"walked down the sidewalk, starin at your feet... wishin my feets were longer, so by your side i could be."

Yea i really wish i was able to relate to this....... to think about it i think about my mother in my childhood, she was my mom,my dad and my best friend.... so when i hear this song i think of her but you DAD i think about in remembrance of the fact that i did not have that. It really hurts my feelings that i will never be able to have that feeling that others will get. Dad i dont know you, and to be honest i have no wanting to know you, as a father you have always took the road that leads to not being their. You are selfish you have 3 beautiful daughters and you have never proved that ONE of us is as important as yourself. I cant even explain how sad it makes me, i mean i was scared of you most of my childhood, but now i'm pretty disgusted. I am so mad that you could not put me and my siblings before yourself. JAMES i look like you the most they say! I act like you the most they say....... but i dont see it and i dont want to see it! You have showed no positive traits that i want to follow. I just want you to know that i really did want a relationship with you and YOUR MOTHER..... but Your Joy will always be more important then mine.

Beauty

Video-India Arie

"Im not your average girl from the videos and i aint built like a super model,
but i learned to love myself unconditionally, because i am a queen."

Phenomenol Woman-Maya Angelou

"Pretty woman wonder where my secret lies,
im not cute or fit to a models size, but when i start to tell them
they think im telling lies.....
Im a woman phenomenally, phenomenal woman, Thats Me."

I love these two poems because they both give insight into who i am,
i have never tried to be someone that i wasnt, i mean
i had a conversation with my beautiful boyfriend and i let out my
insecurites about my weight! you see i have always wanted to be skinnier
but not for the right reasons, i just wanted to fit in, but what is
fitting in. I never thought i was ugly i just thought i would be more
accepted and liked. But now i feel like THIS IS ME.
Ya see why should i be doing things for others when in the end they are
not gonna be importand to my life. Am i wrong for liking Me for Who
i am?
India Arie speaks wonders because i cant be the "video" girl that seems to
have so much "beauty" that it seems fake but like ms.Angelou i feel like my
beauty is a wonderful secret, it hurts alot
because i dont understand why it is such a secret, IM NOT UGLY.
am i?

What is Beauty?